Figments of Reality
by ChaoticInsaneDreams
Summary: Morgana has a nightmare. T for partial suicidal themes.


She didn't particularly know what was real anymore. Was the smoke smothering her room another waking nightmare? She always awoke before she burned alive, although the fire creeping slowly from her curtains to the canopy above her was a new addition to the dream. The stifling heat was just the same, as was the terrifying force building up inside her, the word magic being whispered all around her, slinking along like some sly demon, bent on possessing her mind. She didn't mind though, the fire would surely warm the cold void in her heart. She was no longer the Lady Morgana that the people of Camelot cherished. She was the bringer of death,misery following her wherever she went. Why had she been cursed like this? Thirteen people had died yesterday because a vase had broken. Maybe it was fitting for her to die to by fire like a sorceress. She did not deserve to live like this, spreading destruction like some sort of unholy plague.

By this time, the fire had reached her bed and some instinct inside her sprang up, urging her to run from the flames, but she ignored it. Dreams couldn't kill, and besides the warmth kept her frozen in place, she couldn't remember the last time she had felt this warm.

The door burst open, and she turned slowly to see Merlin's lanky form through the flickering flames that were reaching out to caress her. She frowned internally, maybe this is where the nightmare began. No wonder the fire hasn't seared her, nor the taboo magic had failed to startle her; it wasn't her the fire was after. It was obvious now, she would be spared while all she used to love burned around her. She opened her mouth,a warning Merlin to run before she killed him too on the cusp of her lips, but then his eyes flashed gold and she felt a tidal wave of...something wash over her with enough force to knock the toxic air from her body. She couldn't explain it, this feeling of power and comfort that filled her. So shocked she was, she didn't even notice the fire hissing and crackling as they were smothered out of existence until Merlin's eyes changed back to the vibrant blue she was so used to. It was at this point that Morgana began to believe that maybe this wasn't a dream after all.

Merlin hadn't yet dared to move any closer to her, frozen in front of the door, hand still outstretched. She was frozen as well,still struggling to figure out if this was a dream or reality. A choked sob broke the silence, and she belatedly realized it had been her. Merlin lurched forward at this, and she flinched slightly. Was this the end of her life? _Witch_ echoed in her mind and she passively wondered if she would be burning again by morning. But he didn't lunge for her, there was no call for the guards nor was there even any fear in his eyes as he threw accusations of betrayal at her. There was simply a tired shock wrapped around him like a veil as he dragged his feet to the far wall and threw the window open. The gust of wind that swept into the room was one of the most amazing things Morgana had ever felt. It was like flowing water as the smoke that had clogged her room was pushed out of the room, so too were the dark thoughts cleansed from her thoughts.

Merlin turned toward her, and Morgana wondered why she had never noticed Merlin before. Of course she had known of his bravery and stubborn loyalty, had known how he blushed when she flirted with him in the hallways and had seen first hand how he thrusts his love and care upon all those he met. But where had this new Merlin been hiding? Where has the Merlin been with golden eyes and an aura of wisdom with the weight of the world dragging him down been hiding?

"I suppose there is no way that you could forget this happened?" The look on his face startled her more than the question which had shattered the silence as effectively as the falling vase. Her lips twitched and tried to smirk, though it probably looked more like a grimace if his reaction was anything to go by. He sighed softly, sitting down in the chair by her vanity. Morgana slid up in bed, hugging her knees to her chest beneath the quilts and blankets.

"I suppose this isn't a dream then?" she asked softly, and Merlin shot her a sad grin. She paused for a moment, trying to organize her chaotic thoughts to no avail. "So how long have you had magic?" Maybe if she wasn't so tired, she would be angrier at him for keeping such a large part of his life a secret, but all she felt right now was a mind numbing weariness.

"I didn't choose magic, My Lady," a hint of a smile appearing, making her chuckle as she remembered saving the druid boy. Even when she wasn't sure who he was, her subconscious was trying to prepare her for whatever knowledge may come her way.

"That's right, magic chooses you doesn't it?" She paused for a moment, hesitant to vocalize her fears, somehow that would make it more real and she wasn't sure she could handle it. But then that surge of power inside of her rush up, beating against her self-restraint like a tidal wave against the shore. "Does that mean magic chose me?"

She saw Merlins sharp intake of breath, ready to deny it before something in him snapped and with a slump of his shoulders, he nodded slightly.

And that was it. The whispered words, the nightmares, the strange reckless force within herself that she had always shied away from...it was all magic. A warmth encompassed her, and for a moment, Morgana thought she was back in her nightmare with the flames rising up to meet her.

"Be at peace My Lady, nothing will get you while I am here, not even yourself," Merlin soothed quietly, like he would a skittish colt. She slowly relaxed into his embrace, to hell with propriety. She still wasn't fully clear what of tonight was real and surreal so finding comfort in the surprisingly solid frame of a manservant was not very high on her list of worries. For some reason, it all felt a little bit easier to confront with Merlin _the sorcerer_ with her.

"I don't..." she began,"I don't understand what's wrong with me. If this magic chose me, does it choose to riddle my nights with dreams of Camelot burning with me at its center? Has it chosen me to be the hand of chaos by slowly stripping me of my sanity?"

"No Morgana, you mustn't think like that," Merlin replied, arms tightening around her and a hint of forcefulness lacing his tone with an air of authority she would have never likened to Merlin. "I know what you're going through, this force is inside of you, is a part of who you are and yet sometimes it feels monstrous, and sometimes you feel like you can't control and you think maybe it will all be so much easier if you just jump into the abyss because then the fight would be over." _Yes, that's exactly what I feel_ she thought, shivering as the cold inside fought against the warmth radiating from Merlin. "But Morgana, you can't give up, and as scary as it feels right now, and no matter what Uther says, magic isn't something evil to be feared!"

She ripped herself away from him at this point and stood up with a white hot fury coursing through her veins; it was so much easier to be angry then confront these fears. "How can you say that?" she yelled at him. "After all the things that have happened because of magic, and you dare try to defend it! We are monsters Merlin! My destiny has been shown to me and it ends in flames!"

"No Morgana, you are wrong," he replied calmly. A part of her was enraged that he had so easily shrugged off her rage, but that feeling quickly disappeared as Merlin was once more in her space, a frozen rage of his own snuffing her anger out and chilling her to the bone.

"Yes, magic hurts people," he said in that calm voice that was so unlike anything she had heard before. "I have hurt people with magic, I have taken lives, calling lightning down from the sky and snuffing out life without a second thought."

Morgana shivered, the dead coldness in his voice scaring her more than anything else that had happened tonight. She backed up slightly, but Merlin followed her, refusing to give her any space. Gods,had the sweet warm handsome serving boy she had known been nothing more than a mask this creature wore?

"But I want you to listen very carefully Morgana, for there are few things more important than what I am about to tell you." He reached down then, grasping her wrists firmly and pulled her forward. They were nearly flush against each other now, and she had no choice but to look up at him. "It is not magic that is evil or destructive, but the person who wields it. Yes, I have done horrible things with magic, but that is because I am a bad person, not because I have bad magic." Merlin looked away as he said this, and her heart broke a little for him. This wasn't some evil sorcerer, he was still the same loveable man who stumbled into Camelot and everyone's heart, including her own. She gently freed one of her hands and turned his cheek so that she could again see those cold eyes. She offered a slight smile and could feel some of the tension leave his body. "Magic isn't the problem," he continued softly,"I've seen and done beautiful things with magic as well. What do you think stopped Mary Collins? Or the gryphon? Or Valiant's shield? Since I arrived here, I have been using magic to heal, protect and defend those I care for." With a grin, the old Merlin was fully back, suffusing the room with a soft warmth once more. "Let me help you," he said eagerly, hands losing their iron grip, becoming soft and pliant and meshing his fingers with her own. "I know what it's like Morgana, I know how scary it is to be looking over your shoulder all your life, waiting to be put on the chopping block. But this isn't the end. I've hidden my magic all my life and I will be damned if I let you get caught."

The night caught up with her suddenly, her legs buckling beneath her, only to be caught by Merlin. He lifted her carefully, and this time she felt the slight spark of magic that coursed through him and into her. The sun was beginning to rise, but she could hardly keep her eyes open as Merlin tucked her back into her bed.

"Sleep Morgana, you no longer have to fear yourself," Merlin said soothingly, though Morgana was not sure if he said it out loud or if she was already traveling through the land of dreams. One thing she did know, the spark of magic inside her was a flickering candle of warmth and serenity, Merlin's aura like a safety blanket draped throughout the room. She would be okay, what other option was there with Merlin there to keep her safe?


End file.
